Here in India, it is not customary for boys to take out girls on dates. Unlike most males who must develop social skills with the opposite sex, as usual, these type of boys depend on their mothers. As you can imagine, an Indian mother has a different criteria for a daughter-in-law than a son might have. Some mothers are only looking for a maid, a repository of her DNA. More about DNA later. She will choose a bride for her boy in the following ways:
1. Ask for a resume or curriculum vitae. Yes, the prospective bride applies for matrimony as a job. Does she have an M.A.? If she doesn’t, she’s not worth her salt. To meet the needs of nonacademic brides, savvy businessmen have provided sham MBA’s at pseudo-universities. (International recruiters, you have been warned.)
2. Ask for a professional photo. Every prospective bride must buy a traditional outfit and parade to the photographer’s to get her pictures taken. On these pictures, her future may be determined. Usually the photographer knows how to make her look wheatish. While American girls are trying desperately to look tan, the Indian girls are bleaching their skin. No matter how beautiful, if an Indian girl is dark, she may be doomed.
No matter how educated and skilled the daughter is, if the poor mother has an Ugly Betty on her hands, the mother may have to settle for any drunken workman as a son-in-law.
3. Ask for the horoscope. The son’s mother will take the perspective bride’s date and hour of birth to an astrologer. He will sift her data with the boy’s data. No matter how otherwise suited the girl may be, if the astrologer says that the planets don’t line up for a fruitful marriage, the girl is doomed.
4. Did I mention dowry? Did you think that the dowry was outlawed? Silly rabbit. Female infanticide anyone? Today my rickshaw driver said he is just about cursed because he has two girls. They are healthy and beautiful and delightful. No one celebrated when they were born. It will cost the driver a small fortune to get each of them married. It will be all he thinks about for the next 15 years.
5. Caste–the girl must be from the right caste. If not, it is as if she came from Mars.
But another factor is looming on the horizon that could trump these five main factors–DNA. Stephen Quake’s photo looks like a handsome man that any mother would be proud to have as a son-in-law. He’s a scientist to boot. But he just had a full-DNA work-up. He found that he has a rare genetic predisposition to a sudden heart attack.
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You read it first here. Soon, perspective brides will have to have a full DNA work-up. The pretty light-skinned girl with the PhD from a high caste and a good horoscope may not be such a good candidate. The Ugly Betty may have a fruitful DNA report.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Boys can become men and learn to develop relationships and make good decisions.
In many a circles, especially in the higher socio-economic strata this runs two ways. Both the girl and the boy’s sides need to be okay with the horoscope, and photo, etc. And i imagine the DNA test would run two ways too. What fun it will be since they will start obtaining fake DNA test reports too!
The order is a bit inverted here. Caste – horoscope – photo. But then horoscope and photo order can be changed.
In many a circle dowry is not asked for. It is given as a gift to the girl. Then again, i would think this is more among those in the higher socio-economic strata.